Book Review: The Shock of the Fall

The Shock of the Fall by Nathan Filer

Wow. What can I say? This book is nothing like I've read before, and I've read a lot.
The main theme of the story is revealed in the first chapter, in fact, it's in the blurb.

"I'll tell you what happened because it will be a good way to introduce you to my brother. His name's Simon. I think you're going to like him. I really do. But in a couple of pages he'll be dead. And he was never the same after that."

The author doesn't reveal all straight away, the reader is kept in suspense for pretty much the entire book, with little snippets of info here and there.
So, what did I like about this book? The language is simple, nothing too complicated. No extrinsic sentences that leave you confused, wondering what he's on about. The story is amazing..without going into detail and leaving spoilers, the book is written in such a way, that its easy to feel like you are a part of this story..what the main character feels, you feel. There are a lot of repeated sentences, but in a way, they need to be there. They remind you that for this character, it was real and it makes it real for you too. There were a few times when I welled up, my heart broke, and I laughed along with the outrageous anecdotes. The only downside to this story for me, is that there is a lot of jumping around with the timeline. It's obviously necessary for the story, but it's sometimes difficult to realise when you have jumped from present tense to past tense, and which past tense exactly is it..2 years ago or 10 years ago..but if you can get to grips with that, then you will really enjoy this book. It's definitely on my recommended list.

For my first ever book review, I'm going to give The Shock of the Fall a solid 4 stars! ★★★★☆

At First I Was Afraid, I Was Petrified...

Starting a new school, meeting new people, being expected to take in copious amounts of new knowledge is daunting enough on its own..add in a clinical placement in an area you've never been exposed to before..and panic really sets in.

Some of you may remember way back in December 2017, a little Snapchat video I made after a particularly stressful day of trying NOT to pass out. I had been on a specialist vascular surgical ward for roughly 2 weeks when one of the Sisters asked if I'd like to see a VAC dressing..."Sure!" I proclaimed..full of excitement and eager to learn..I had no idea at this point what a VAC dressing was.

Cross-section of a VAC dressing in situ

I bounced along joyfully to the patients bed space, ready to learn..not knowing what to expect..and that's when it happened. The sterile cloth was whipped off the patient to display a lovely..terrifying..forefoot amputation. I felt my insides quiver. My head went light, it seemed as though the floor had disappeared from beneath me. I looked at the patient, with my over-excited smile still stuck on my face, and almost certainly horror in my eyes, to see if he had noticed that I was about to pass out. And then I realised that I was holding my breath..and I should probably stop that. I took a big, deep breath, desperately trying to compose myself..I braved a second glance at the fresh amp..and suddenly my fight or flight response kicked in..it probably only took about 20 seconds in reality, but it felt like a lifetime..I began chatting to the patient, and slowly but surely we got through the dressing together. He was so kind about it, and actually found it hilarious that I was so taken aback that he mocked me for the rest of the day. At the end of that day, I was almost certain that Vascular nursing was not for me.

I spent the rest of my placement worried that I would be faced with a similar situation, knowing that I definitely would. I dreaded my theatre placement because I now felt that maybe I was a lot queasier than I had originally thought. All the years of taking care of my brother every time he injured himself had never turned my stomach, and yet all of a sudden I was doubting myself.
During my theatre placement however, I realised that the trick was to just keep breathing..as simple as it sounds..any time I felt light headed or queasy, I noticed I was holding my breath. I found a way to get out of my own head and although I knew there was a patient attached to the body part that the surgeon was tirelessly working away at, I found a way to overcome my fear.

Fast forward to the end of Year 1..in fact, my very last day on placement. I worked with a regular agency nurse who, up until now, I had only seen in passing. I had been on the same station for 2 weeks and knew most of my patients and their needs. At the start of the shift, we sat down together and made a plan, I asked if I could take charge of arranging discharges and changing dressings which she was happy for me to do. It felt so good that after such a tough year, someone had confidence in me and commended me for how I worked. Anything I was unsure about, I ran by her and the shift ran smoothly. We discharged half of our patients and I was writing up the notes when a Sister came
walking by and said "Zoe..do you want to come and change this larvae dressing?" I didn't even think twice about it.."yeh sure!" and up I got..without hesitation. 

Larvae before exposure to the wound

Sister undressed the wound..a forefoot amputation..asked if I knew how to redress with larvae and let me take the lead. I got stuck in, applying sudocrem to the edges of the wound to protect the healthy skin, I placed the maggots in their little teabag onto the sloughy area and placed a wet dressing over to give them a drink. I bandaged the foot up and the job was done. The lady was so lovely and had chatted away to me the whole time about nothing in particular. When I look back at how much I've progressed since the beginning of Year 1, I can honestly say I've come a long LONG way. I never imagined that I would feel perfectly happy and comfortable to touch an open amputation when I couldn't even look at one a few months ago. I felt a huge sense of achievement and am so proud of myself. 

To any new students, I would say take each day as it comes. Even if you are terrified, you will surprise yourself! 🎔


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My Journey Into Nursing

One of the most common questions I get asked is how I got into nursing. 

My path wasn't a conventional one. I didn't finish my A Levels and left school when I was 17. I felt that not knowing what career I wanted at that age, made University a waste of my time when I could be out working. So that's what I did. Over the years I have worked a range of jobs, from being a festival bar maid, to a ladieswear Supervisor. I did a short stint as a Sales Ledger/Bookkeeper and worked self-employed as a nail technician and spray tanner. I always wanted to be in a customer-facing role and felt really comfortable in leadership roles, its where I worked at my best.

One day I just thought I need to make a big change here..and that's where it all started. I applied for a few Care Assistant jobs with domiciliary companies and accepted an offer with an amazing company in Wolverhampton who gave me all my initial training and really put me on the right path. The support from them, even to this day has been unreal. Unfortunately, travelling was an issue for me, so I stepped down from my permanent role with them onto the bank, and moved into a residential care home. I spent almost 4 years there before leaving to have my daughter. Working in the care home had many ups and downs and gave me experiences that I will never forget. I loved my residents as you may know from previous blogs but felt that there wasn't much room for career progression for me. After having my daughter, I went to work for a GP surgery as a medical receptionist for a while and after my Grandad fell ill, I decided that I wanted to be a Paramedic..(Yes..I said Paramedic).

I started the Access to HE course with all intentions of applying for Paramedic Science, but again struggled to see where I could progress in the role (I didn't have a whole lot of info about this at the time) so I took some time to think things through and come up with a new plan before deciding to apply for Nursing with the view to becoming an Advanced Nurse Practitioner/Emergency Care Practitioner.

During the Access course I volunteered with St John Ambulance which I absolutely loved and I applied to my local Trust for Work Experience. Both of these helped with my application into University. I was originally applying for Bachelor of Nursing courses, when I stumbled across the MNurs course. The MNurs is an integrated masters degree and had much higher entry requirements so I applied on a whim, not thinking I would get in. I worked my little butt off to get good grades and to my amazement, managed to meet every single requirement for the MNurs..and here I am..I've just finished first year, and have 2 months off before starting the 2nd year of my course and 3rd year of overall studying. I will be 31 when I qualify and then have a lot more training planned to get to where I want to be. I know it will be hard work but its totally worth it!

My 'One Giant Leap' Experience

The first year of my nursing studies has finally come to an end, and I will hopefully be posting more blogs over the summer. This blog was never intended as a nursing blog, so you may occasionally find posts that include my own personal thoughts/feelings and what I've been getting up to. 

I wanted to start off the summer with an update from May (only 2 months late!). As you all know, I signed up for the Alzheimer's Society 'One Giant Leap' as part of Dementia Awareness week in May. The cause is very close to my heart after working with people with dementia, and losing my Grandad to Alzheimers in 2016. I try to take part in fundraising events each year and have participated in walks and runs etc in the past, but this year I really wanted to push myself to try something new and take myself out of my comfort zone. 

On the 27th May, I drove down to Hinton Skydiving Centre, and after a brief training session, prepared to jump 13,000 feet from an airplane. I'm not going to sugar coat it..I was terrified! But I was equally as excited and couldn't wait to get up there. The flight up took a while, but surprisingly wasn't as scary as I had imagined, and sitting on the edge of the plane waiting to exit was a feeling like no other. Head back, feet up..and out we went..it was exhilarating. Feeling the air on my face and hands was amazing, it took my breath away. The chute went up and everything came to a sudden halt, we were no longer free falling, we were gliding through the air with the best view. I felt like I was flying. The only bad thing I have to say about the whole thing is that it didn't last long enough! It was an absolutely incredible experience and I would highly recommend it to anyone.

The support that I received was overwhelming, and I want to thank everyone that sponsored me. In particular, my friends and colleagues from University, the staff on my ward at the hospital, the congregation at my nans church (especially the anonymous donor of £200!!) the Wolverhampton VW groups, all of my friends and family, the Facebook and Instagram community and anyone that shared my posts and collected on my behalf..I am so so grateful and the total amount raised was an incredible:

£836!!!

Thank you all again SO much! I am so appreciative of all the support for raising funds for such a worthwhile cause. You are all amazing! Scroll down for the video!!

A Week In Theatres!

This year my placements have fell a little differently to everyone else's, with only one spoke placement and the rest of the time on my hub. When I first found out I was going to be spending the week in theatres I was over the moon, but, after being on the ward, and seeing some patients post-operatively, I have to admit I was a little terrified. I've never been queasy when it comes to blood and injuries; I've lost count of the amount of times I've been called to help my brother when he's done something saft and it's never bothered me. However, seeing these patients really made me second guess whether I in fact was queasier than I thought and whether all the incidents with my brother had just been fuelled by adrenaline. As my time on theatres grew closer I became increasingly more anxious and had worked myself into such a state, I was convinced I would pass out at the first sign of blood. Ooooh how wrong was I!!

The first theatre I went to was general surgery and I was thrown in at the deep end with a Delormes procedure and when the first smell of burning flesh hit me I was sure the next thing I would see would be the lights..as I looked up from the floor, but then I reminded myself to just breathe..and that was it. The fear literally fell away from me and I spent the rest of the week with my eyes peeled wide open, taking in every procedure in as much detail as I could, from minor lump excisions, to femoral popliteal bypass surgery. I visited a range of theatres including Vascular (handy as this is also my hub placement), Urology and Gynaecology. 

The staff in Gynaecology were amazing. They were so welcoming and encouraged me to get involved, they were keen for me to learn which was perfect for me. I think I enjoyed this theatre the most as it was something that had really interested me during my Access course last year and my highlight of the week happened in this theatre. After observing a laparoscopic hysterectomy and BSO, the Sister took me and another student to a side room, laid out the uterus, cervix, fallopian tubes and ovaries for us to see and feel. It was absolutely fascinating and something I never thought I would do in my life. Seeing something like that so up close was just amazing and if anyone ever gets the chance to do anything similar, I would say absolutely just face your fears and go for it! I have had the best time this week, and the only regret is that it couldn't be a longer placement, although I will definitely be planning a return visit.

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Access to HE vs. Nursing: Year 1

This weeks blog was going to be based around our return to University after a lovely month off over Christmas, however, with all of the conditional/unconditional offers that people have been receiving, I thought it may be useful to follow on from my preparation blog with a question I've seen pop up quite a few times: Is the first year of nursing easier or harder than the Access course?

The following information and feelings about it are, of course, individual to me and I'm sure there will be students that disagree or have different thoughts about this topic, but this is what I've found so far.

During the Access to HE course there were originally 30-ish students in my class, by the end there were approximately 11 of us which to be honest was great because we got a lot of focused teaching and had the opportunity to ask questions, have in depth discussions, and really get to know one another. This year at University, my cohort started with 148 students, then a few more joined, I'm sure some have left over the Christmas period but the group is HUGE! Each time I go to a lecture, I could swear there are people there that I've never seen before. Because of the shear size of the group, you can ask questions but the conversation is quickly moved onto something else. There isn't any chance we would be able to have in-depth or meaningful conversations as the group is just too big. You don't get a lot of time with the lecturers either, unless you can quickly grab them on a break, but even then, you've got to be quick as there will be 15 other people with the same idea. The crazy thing is, as big as our cohort is, the Uni are considering INCREASING next years cohort..madness.

As far as the actual workload is concerned, I would say that yes, the course is easier..look at it this way, during Access I had 17 assignments, 2 of those were double credits, therefore required double the amount of work, 2 tests, 2 presentations and a group health promotion project. This year, I have 6 modules, 2 of those are exams, 1 is a group presentation (6 members, not 148, God forbid) and 3 are assignments and of course completion of our PAD. So, in that way, yes..easier..HOWEVER, I personally have found it SO much harder. The reasons for this are as follows: as I stated above, not having much time for asking questions or having time to speak one-to-one with a tutor, also the learning isn't structured, and by that I mean that a lot of the work is self-taught and if you have other commitments once you leave that building, its really difficult. I'm a single parent to a 2 year old, I finish Uni and fetch her from nursery, then I have the motherly duties, cooking tea, putting her to bed, cleaning up, and by the time I sit down to do any work, I'm either physically or mentally exhausted, or both. On my days off, its impossible to work as the little one constantly wants my attention..and why shouldn't she..I'm her mom and she wants to play and spend time with me, so the only chance I get to work is either of an evening, or during Uni. Some of the girls on my course also work alongside Uni, and I honestly don't know how they have time to do anything.
Once you go out onto placement, it becomes even harder, childcare is harder, (as far as I'm aware no nursery opens at 6am and closes at 8pm) so then it falls to relatives to pitch in which can make you feel like a burden sometimes, and at the end of a 12.5 hour shift, the last thing you want to do is sit down and open a textbook.
On the plus side, the modules are really interesting, especially in the skills labs, and the excitement when you first get your uniform is ridiculous. You feel like a little kid at Christmas, its great!
As I have experienced both the Access course at college and now the degree at University, I thought a little insight may be helpful, but as I said, it is just my experience and I'm aware that everyone works in different ways. For anyone that is due to start, I would recommend that you get all of your childcare in place ASAP so that you don't find yourself stuck and having to miss lectures or placements. I would also suggest upping your organisational game! I sort of run on an organised chaos basis with most things in my life, but this year has really forced me to be self-disciplined. I hope I've not put anyone off! I find that if I remind myself why I wanted to be a nurse, it helps to keep me focused even when I'm stressing about assignments.

If anyone has other views or experiences, please feel free to share them in the comment section :) It would be great to see how other people have found it.

If you'd like tips on equipment for your first year, take a look at my post from a couple of weeks ago! 😄

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It's NOT a dog-eat-dog world!

As a newbie in the blogging world, I've been working hard to connect with other bloggers, student nurses, registered nurses and prospective nurses to try and build a bit of a reputation for myself. Whilst the outcome of this has been mostly positive, I have found on a few occasions that there seems to be a bit of an "every man for himself" attitude. Honestly I found this really surprising.
The feeling that I got was that these people don't want to share their secrets to succeeding, and with such a shortage of nurses here in the UK, I really cant believe that there are students and nurses that are so unwilling to help others to further themselves. Surely asking questions and showing initiative is a good thing?! We want to learn. We want to make something of ourselves, and most of all, we want to help others..the point that seems to be going amiss here.
When working as a carer, aside from taking care of my residents, one of my favourite things was helping new staff. I loved the idea that I was setting a good example for them by working to the best possible standard I could. I would take them around with me, show them, and then ask them to do it the next time so that they could concrete their own learning. I would even go home and put together fact sheets that I knew would be helpful for them getting to know our residents conditions/illness'. I never once thought "Oh my goodness, what if they end up being a better carer than me?" Quite frankly, I would have welcomed it. We are all on a path where education is never ending, its one of the things that draws me to this line of work and I would much rather give others a hand up than find myself complaining down the line that they're not following best practice because they haven't been taught correctly.
When I qualify as a nurse, I know that I will need experience before becoming an Advanced Nurse Practitioner, and if this ends up being in a hospital setting, I would 100% like to be a mentor.
Knowledge is power, and as nurses, we've all got the power to make a difference. Make the most of your ability to make an impact on providing amazing healthcare. Its priceless.

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