At First I Was Afraid, I Was Petrified...

Starting a new school, meeting new people, being expected to take in copious amounts of new knowledge is daunting enough on its own..add in a clinical placement in an area you've never been exposed to before..and panic really sets in.

Some of you may remember way back in December 2017, a little Snapchat video I made after a particularly stressful day of trying NOT to pass out. I had been on a specialist vascular surgical ward for roughly 2 weeks when one of the Sisters asked if I'd like to see a VAC dressing..."Sure!" I proclaimed..full of excitement and eager to learn..I had no idea at this point what a VAC dressing was.

Cross-section of a VAC dressing in situ

I bounced along joyfully to the patients bed space, ready to learn..not knowing what to expect..and that's when it happened. The sterile cloth was whipped off the patient to display a lovely..terrifying..forefoot amputation. I felt my insides quiver. My head went light, it seemed as though the floor had disappeared from beneath me. I looked at the patient, with my over-excited smile still stuck on my face, and almost certainly horror in my eyes, to see if he had noticed that I was about to pass out. And then I realised that I was holding my breath..and I should probably stop that. I took a big, deep breath, desperately trying to compose myself..I braved a second glance at the fresh amp..and suddenly my fight or flight response kicked in..it probably only took about 20 seconds in reality, but it felt like a lifetime..I began chatting to the patient, and slowly but surely we got through the dressing together. He was so kind about it, and actually found it hilarious that I was so taken aback that he mocked me for the rest of the day. At the end of that day, I was almost certain that Vascular nursing was not for me.

I spent the rest of my placement worried that I would be faced with a similar situation, knowing that I definitely would. I dreaded my theatre placement because I now felt that maybe I was a lot queasier than I had originally thought. All the years of taking care of my brother every time he injured himself had never turned my stomach, and yet all of a sudden I was doubting myself.
During my theatre placement however, I realised that the trick was to just keep breathing..as simple as it sounds..any time I felt light headed or queasy, I noticed I was holding my breath. I found a way to get out of my own head and although I knew there was a patient attached to the body part that the surgeon was tirelessly working away at, I found a way to overcome my fear.

Fast forward to the end of Year 1..in fact, my very last day on placement. I worked with a regular agency nurse who, up until now, I had only seen in passing. I had been on the same station for 2 weeks and knew most of my patients and their needs. At the start of the shift, we sat down together and made a plan, I asked if I could take charge of arranging discharges and changing dressings which she was happy for me to do. It felt so good that after such a tough year, someone had confidence in me and commended me for how I worked. Anything I was unsure about, I ran by her and the shift ran smoothly. We discharged half of our patients and I was writing up the notes when a Sister came
walking by and said "Zoe..do you want to come and change this larvae dressing?" I didn't even think twice about it.."yeh sure!" and up I got..without hesitation. 

Larvae before exposure to the wound

Sister undressed the wound..a forefoot amputation..asked if I knew how to redress with larvae and let me take the lead. I got stuck in, applying sudocrem to the edges of the wound to protect the healthy skin, I placed the maggots in their little teabag onto the sloughy area and placed a wet dressing over to give them a drink. I bandaged the foot up and the job was done. The lady was so lovely and had chatted away to me the whole time about nothing in particular. When I look back at how much I've progressed since the beginning of Year 1, I can honestly say I've come a long LONG way. I never imagined that I would feel perfectly happy and comfortable to touch an open amputation when I couldn't even look at one a few months ago. I felt a huge sense of achievement and am so proud of myself. 

To any new students, I would say take each day as it comes. Even if you are terrified, you will surprise yourself! 🎔


If you enjoy my content, please like, share and/or leave a comment. 
Instagram: zoe.m.porter
Facebook: ZoeMPorter
Twitter: Zoe_M_Porter